where i came from
The first piece of art that I obsessed over was when I was around 7-8 years old. I was sitting in front of a small ‘90s television set in North Carolina and saw Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus music video on the MTV channel for the very first time.
I witnessed this man (Falco) dressed as Mozart, but with a rainbow wig on his head, rapping in Austrian German while sitting on the shoulders of bikers in a European bar who were chanting, “Amadeus” back to him and pumping their fists. And I thought - this is me!
Then, I got upset, worried that I had been born too late and that kind of art had passed. But that was the first time I realized I had a specific artistic taste.
My next two favorite childhood films were the Beatles’ psychedelically animated film from the ’60s, “Yellow Submarine” and David Bowie and Jim Henson’s “The Labyrinth” starring Jennifer Connelly, who I dreamed to be.
And to this day, whenever I see an owl, I still acknowledge Bowie as the Goblin king.
Given this early context, somewhat unsurprisingly in my 20s, I spent 3 weeks in the jungle in Peru with shamans, healing with ayahuasca, then 6 months in Ecuador learning tantra yoga and shamanism at 30, but those are much longer stories.
Back to when I was 9, now in New Hampshire, I convinced my parents to let me watch the tv edit of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (though I couldn’t get them to budge on South Park just yet).
I took to this movie like a fly to fruit. I memorized and could re-enact the whole thing by heart. Now that I think about it, my body went into puberty very early, so it makes sense I was drawn to a colorful and musical representation of sexually liberated self-expression.
The universe was definitely trying to give me a clue about how my life would play out - it kind of was like Rocky Horror / Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
So, after having done stand-up in North Carolina with my babysitter to emulate my then hero Rosie O’Donnell, then starring in my New Hampshire elementary school show “Beowulf - the rock musical,” it was undeniable I loved the performing arts.
And given my early tastes, I’ve been chasing my fanciful Falco dreams ever since, with some hiccups of course.
...fast forward 20 years >>>
I was divorced twice by the time I was 31.
Even though, I had been training in singing, acting, and dancing since I was ten in Ithaca, NY, my family did not come from the arts and entertainment world and I was told to drop it. My dad was a veterinary oncologist at Cornell and my mom an editor/graphic designer, very cool influences, but when I got into Brown they wanted me to pursue something practical - so I became a Russian major…
{domestic violence trigger warning ahead}
I was studying the politics of post-soviet states because I was always fascinated by my great-grandfather’s escape from the Russian Empire during the Russian Revolution, but without the arts I was depressed and alcoholic.
When I studied abroad in Moscow, I married a young Russian peer to save me from the danger I was becoming to myself, but back in the US he became violent and thanks to the support of some classmates I managed to get a restraining order and divorce.
But now I was 22 with PTSD (and a slew of other things I’ve glossed over for now) during the recession, hence later seeking healing in South America and making a safe space for the artist in me to be reborn.
Happily, I am a performance artist now, trying to comment comedically on my days as a trophy wife and the female journey.
In Ecuador, after I ended my second marriage, I was an artist-in-residence and created a one-woman show about where do I go from here, who am I, and I how do I get society’s voices out of my head so I can find my inner child again.
In a way, it was my Rocky/Hedwig. Later, this stage show began to be made into a cult-style surreal art film that was never finished, so now I am linking all of these materials into some kind of art-umentary - like a documentary of the evolution of this work of art representing my childhood dreams, their loss, and return.
Currently, I love exploring on-camera work in LA as a SAG actor, auditioning for film and tv in the US, Canada, and Europe.
Last year, I started formally learning screenwriting to start putting more of my wacky experiences and perspectives into more shareable stories.
And, I’m excited to say, I’ve started running with some old-school performance arts crowds from EZTV and 18th Street Arts in Santa Monica with whom I look forward to collaborating on actual performance art again, multi-media exhibitions, and consciousness/AI-exploring material.
My goals for 2023 are to book more TV and film, plus get back into burlesque and stand-up comedy, which I still haven’t done since I was nine (the stand-up comedy, not the burlesque).
Maybe I’ll do both at the same time!
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